Almost winter

For a few brief moments I looked outside my family room windown this evening, and saw a sea of leaves scattered over the beds that I had so lovingly tended to this spring and summer. I don't think I will pluck the dead impatients from their beds but rather leave them alone to eventually become the dried earth under snow.

If felt strange to look at the bird bath that was frequently visited by birds and squirrels and to now see it vacant of visitors. But to see handfuls of leaves in its flower shaped stone bowl. Even the picnic table that David tiled this summer is buried under a mess of leaves.

I really dislike the winter. The stores are already filled with winter clothes, and Christmas merchandise. I wish I lived in a place where it was spring or summer constantly. I am not one who really appreciates or needs the change of seasons. Though I do enjoy the rites of spring. The first buds, the thawed earth. The first hint of green and new life. Summer is also a celebration of sun and warmth, and flowers, and herbs, and fruits and vegetables. And winter is time of slumber, only its short days make me feel as though I too should be hibernating..sleeping the days of winter away. And finally waking up in the spring.

H1N1

What a scary and exhausting couple of weeks it has been. My husband, son and I have been home with suspected cases of H1N1. We seem to now be on the mend but I am almost afraid to speak so soon. It has so far managed to skip our daughter and I hope that this is the situation and that she will not become sick. I have barely left the house at all except for going to work the last couple of nights. I finally returned to work on Tuesday after days of being bedbound with cough and fever. David is also back to work, and our son will hopefully be returning to school next week.

I have cabin fever and have forgotten what fall looks like, feels like and smells like. The only thing I have noticed so far is the mountain of leaves I'm going to have to rake when my energy returns. Hopefully soon Ross will feel well enough to venture outside with his sister and the two of them can play in the leaves.

I have had a crazy mirage of dreams the last few nights. More so with the fever. I believe I had deliriously happy dreams with the fever and now that I am without it, my dreams have been growing increasinlgy frightening.

I have a mess to clean, to sort through before going to sleep. I can hear my daughter annimatedly talking to herself. My son on the other hand, is quietly absorbed in something.

The destruction of our tree

It is night and my glands are sore, I feel feverish and I have a cough. I can hear my kids watching t.v. behind the thin wall that separates my bedroom from the family room. I am sitting up on the bed, over the burgundy fleecy blanket that belonged to my father..I think soon I will drape my shivering body in it. David is next to me working away on the lovely turn-of-the-century table we bought from a local antique store that was closing shop.

My mind is swirling right now. I am thinking of the tree that stood infront of our house since its construction in the 1940s, if not before. Yesterday it was chopped down and even though it was a relief in important ways because it would no longer threaten our safety..I thought of the home it had been for its animals. Yesterday, birds and squirrels were furiously knocking on our windows, as if to tell us how upset they were by the destruction of their home. Today, a low stump is all that remains.

Today was cold, all day. I sat in the waiting area, waiting for Ella to finish her ballet class. I went home, and immediately climbed under the covers where I have spent most of the day. I am exhausted, my thoughts are slowly fading into the darkness that seeps its way in at night.