Tonight will be one of those nights, where I will see you in my dreams. I'll dream I am a child again, sleeping in my bed when suddenly you cry out from your sleep. Once again you are in your warplane, death and dying underneath. Or maybe you are holding vigil for your young friends in their charred soldier's uniform.
I'll call you from across the hall. You will wake for a few brief moments and know where you are. You'll feel safe at last.
Monday, December 29, 2008
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
Snow on Cedar
I am watching the snow falling on the cedars in my backyard. I can't believe that Christmas Eve is a day a way. I need to get the house in order. Piles of laundry to fold and put away. Presents to wrap.
Ross is feeling unwell. I find it hard to stay on top of anything when he seems so unwell. Ella on the other hand, is energetic and noisy. She is laughing and talking in the loudest voice she can manage.
The last couple of weeks I have been hearing noises from within my bedroom. It sounds like the sorts of noises that belonged only to Bunjie. His rapsy breaths, the sounds of his paws on the wood floor. Has it really been a year since his passing? I have missed him so much.
David's grandfather passed a way recently. We missed the funeral because Ross was too sick to attend, but we saw him just before he passed. He was a kind, gentle man. There was something so peaceful about the last time we saw. He seemed aware of our presence. He tried several times to open his eyes, to acknowledge us. A sound came from deep within his throat. A unformed word. But a sound that did not need a reply. As he lay in his bed, I could not help but remember the last time I saw my father in his own hospital bed. I felt profoundly sad. For a moment it was not my husband's grandfather I was looking at, but my father. I thought of the grandchild he would never meet, as well as other life events he would not be part of. Atleast not in the physical world.
Then, I was was sitting next to my husband's grandfather again. A man who was much more than my husband's grandfather. A person who had accepted me into his family even before I married into it. Oh I don't think I'll ever look into eyes again that shine like a million suns.
Ross is feeling unwell. I find it hard to stay on top of anything when he seems so unwell. Ella on the other hand, is energetic and noisy. She is laughing and talking in the loudest voice she can manage.
The last couple of weeks I have been hearing noises from within my bedroom. It sounds like the sorts of noises that belonged only to Bunjie. His rapsy breaths, the sounds of his paws on the wood floor. Has it really been a year since his passing? I have missed him so much.
David's grandfather passed a way recently. We missed the funeral because Ross was too sick to attend, but we saw him just before he passed. He was a kind, gentle man. There was something so peaceful about the last time we saw. He seemed aware of our presence. He tried several times to open his eyes, to acknowledge us. A sound came from deep within his throat. A unformed word. But a sound that did not need a reply. As he lay in his bed, I could not help but remember the last time I saw my father in his own hospital bed. I felt profoundly sad. For a moment it was not my husband's grandfather I was looking at, but my father. I thought of the grandchild he would never meet, as well as other life events he would not be part of. Atleast not in the physical world.
Then, I was was sitting next to my husband's grandfather again. A man who was much more than my husband's grandfather. A person who had accepted me into his family even before I married into it. Oh I don't think I'll ever look into eyes again that shine like a million suns.
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