Hero

Last summer, was the first summer that my son and I spoke about death. It was his sixth summer and a local firefighter had died suddenly in our community. The death of his hero, made him need to understand what this mystery called death was truly about as he lay awake nights before the funeral, wondering how he died. . And he would leave me with two of the hardest questions I'd have to answer. Why do we have to die at all? I knew the next question would be, Why do you and dad have to die one day?

I tried to explain it in a way that a six year old would understand. I wanted my explanation to be truthful but not overwhelming. I tried to explain it in a way that would in time seem like a normal, natural process that would not keep him up night, after night, worrying about its inevitability. More important, I wanted him to know, that I wanted us to think about the moments and days and summers hopefully to come, that we would enjoy together.

The day of the firefighter's funeral, we were at the park, just beside the arena that would welcome hundreds of mourners. We saw the slow procession of cars. Ross stood in the grass watching as a sea of people surfaced from their cars and moved in rows up the hill to the arena where the flag hung, half-staff. My son grabbed my mother's hand as he saw the fire truck appear which carried his hero's casket. I remember my son standing there in his white ice-cream stained shirt, and shimmery silver and red shorts. He decided that moment he was going to go to the funeral and that my mom was going to accompany him. It happened so quickly that I did not have any time to react. I knew then, as he and my mother disappeared past the front doors, that he would be a little boy with new knowledge when he re-emerged. He would walk away with his own observations, and ideas about what death was, shaken and sombre. And as I'd tuck him into bed that night, I would listen to him, and hold him close to me. I'd wait for him to fall asleep, and I'd think of him growing a little older every day. Experiencing life and death. I'd whisper, Ross,you are my hero.